Why did the chicken cross the road?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DR. PHIL :

The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH :

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Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH :

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL :

Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:

We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY :

Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE :

That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN :

To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART :

No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS :

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY :

To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL :

Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?' That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA :

In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS :

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON :

Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

ARISTOTLE :

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES :

I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ........ reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN :

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON :

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE :

I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS :

Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY :

Where's my gun?

AL SHARPTON :

Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

This is from an article in the St. Petersburg Times Newspaper on Sunday. The Business Section asked readers for ideas on "How Would You Fix the Economy?"

I think this guy nailed it!

Dear Mr. President: Please find below my suggestion for fixing America's economy. Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan: There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the Following stipulations:
1) They MUST retire. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.

2) They MUST buy a new American CAR. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.
3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed. It can't get any easier than that! If more money is needed, have all members of Congress and their constituents pay their taxes... If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know. If not, please disregard.

A lesson in politics from a little girl.

A $50 Lesson

I recently asked my friends' little girl what she wanted to be when she

grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her

parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you

were President what would be the first thing you would do? '

She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.'

Her parents beamed.

'Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'But you don't have to wait

until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow

the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll

take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and

you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.'

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in

the eye and asked, ' Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the

work, and you can just pay him the $50? '

I said, 'Welcome to the Republican Party.'

Her parents still aren't speaking to me.

The Broncos draft results

Josh McDaniels had some eyebrow raising draft choices to start his first year as head coach in Denver. His first pick of a running back in Knowshon Moreno was a good one but still a surprise to many who thought they would go for a defensive player first. Their disappointing season last year started out with a bang and by mid season they were leading their somewhat weak division. But the same story could be felt in all loses. Their weak defense could not keep them winning. So when the Broncos were up to pick most thought Ayers would be the first new addition to the broncos roster. Luckily though it all worked out as Ayers was still available when they had their second pick in the first round that they had received in the trade with the Chicago Bears in which they lost their greatest asset in my opinion Jay Cutler.
While some considered this a weak draft with not much talent or depth, many feel that the broncos should have gone for more defense and less offense. But dont forget that the broncos went through 7 running backs last year that ended up on IR. Peyton Hillis, Michael Pittman, Andre Hall, Ryan Torain and Anthony Alridge, Selvin Young and P.J. Pope. Among those who still remain are HIllis, Torain, Young and Hall. Added to that list is J.J. Arrington, Correl Buckhalter, Andrew Pinock, and Lamont Jordan. I think we will see Knowshon Moreno as first among the other eight, and with his feirce competitiveness, and great feet, his lack of speed wont be quite as noticable. Lets not forget his great at the pass protection as well.
Ayers great balance and low center of gravity will be a great contribution to our defense. He has great size but I see some need of improvement in his technique before he is great.
Other notible draft picks for denver were:

Cornerback Alfanso Smith from Wakeforest, is small but still has great hands for good interceptions, but will he be worth our first round draft pick of 2010 we traded for?

Safety Darcel Mcbath from Texas Tech, has amazing hands and will hopefully lead the AFC west in interceptions this year.

Tight End Richard Quinn from north Carolina, is an all round excellent blocker and I feel will be a great contributor to the team.

Safety David Bruton from Notre Dame, should make great improvements to our special teams. I think he will be a great tackler and hopefully get Denver a few sacks this year.


Guard Seth Olsen from Iowa, He was first-team All-Big Ten selection by the media and coaches while primarily at right guard in 2008 after garnering honorable mention honors at right tackle as a junior. He's a big boy who will ultimately have to prove himself in the NFL.

wide receiver Kenny McKinley, is another small player that needs to add some bulk, but with his amazing stats I think we will see some great catches out of this kid who may turn out to be the next big receiver for denver.

Quarterback Tom Brandstater from Fresno State, will be a suitable back up but we probably wont see him starting any time soon.

Center Blake Schlueter from TCU, although many say he is undersized for a center, remember Denver is known for its small line and his toughness will play a big part in his abilities to be great.

written by Marlo Franklin